a new era is upon me. very near now. in november, i wrote in my journal, this time is a liminal space. an inbetween space. one thing has ended, but the next has not yet begun. i have spent years of my life waiting, waiting - waiting to feel better, ready, eager to begin. december feels like a cusp, and i am trembling on some new beginning. the whole earth holds its breath. who will be the first to sing? can you hear the melodies rising in the wind?
i am fighting against the notion that this is some grandiose delusion. that i should calm down and be normal, go through this life like so many people do every day. but i have been dying inside. i cannot continue with these shoulds. i’m fucking strange and unusual and if i hunch in on myself, shoulder to the wheel of this horrible reality we have built, i will not survive. and if all of us strange and unusual people do not survive, who will be left to lead us into a new reality? ursula k. le guin said, “we live in capitalism. it’s power seems inescapable. so did the divine right of kings. any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings. resistance and change often begin in art, and very often in our art, the art of words. we who live by writing and publishing want and should demand our fair share of the proceeds. but the name of our beautiful reward is not profit. it’s name is freedom.” i do not presume to have all the answers. but i have in my heart an ever expanding image of this freedom le guin spoke of. in freeing myself, i hope i can show others that it does not have to be this way, that there is another path - in fact, infinite paths. the one we are walking is only that way because we have been walking on it for so long. and like a human brain can create new neural pathways and connections, so too can we forge new ways to walk through this world. it will not be easy. but it will be glorious and ecstatic, if we allow it.